Requiem Eternam Dona Eis
by DeepDownSlytherin
Summary: Andromeda thought he would like a muggle funeral.


_Disclaimer: The characters are J.K. Rowling's, the Latin I got from Wikipedia._

* * *

I thought you would like a muggle funeral. 

_Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis…_

I've never really understood religion. I guess I never really tried to learn. My parents always said it was a silly muggle superstition. You mentioned it a few times, but vaguely, a reference to your life before I was in it. I don't know if you would want this, but I think you might like it. We never talked about it. It never felt like we needed to, we had all the time in the world. There was always tomorrow.

Kyrie eleison; Christe eleison; Kyrie eleison…

Your mother needed this. She deserves to say goodbye to you as well. Even not understanding the ritual, I can understand reaching for comfort in old traditions. The incense, the familiar rhythm and fall of heavy Latin words, there is a finality to it.

Mors Stupebit et natura cum resuget creatura judicanti responsura.

Your mother has always been kind to me, and she of everyone has the least reason to be. You loved me and that was enough for her. I took you farther away from her world. Because of me, you were in the middle of a war before we were even old enough to really know what war meant. You'd have been in the wizarding world anyway, I know. But if not for me, if not for my family, you might have been able to avoid their notice, avoid their hatred and violence.

…quam de hoc saeculo migrare jussisti; in pacis as lucis regione constituas, et Sanctorum tuorum jubeas esse consortem…

This church is beautiful, in a soft and quiet way. It's full of dark wood, polished to gleaming. The air is heavy with a hundred years of incense and dust and the cloying scent of flowers from a hundred years of funerals just like this. It's so small, but then there is little need for a vast cathedral, so few people knew you in the muggle world. It always happens, you told me, with a trace of regret. People sense you have a secret and you drift apart. Was it worth it?

In memoria æterna erit justus, ab auditione mala non timebit…

Dora would have come, she wanted to, but in the end she wasn't feeling well enough. Don't worry, she's fine, just exhausted and heartbroken. Remus has finally come around. He's been wonderful for her these past few weeks…I can't imagine what finally got through to him, but you always guessed he would get there eventually. She's going to miss you terribly. I don't think she really believes you're gone, not yet. She loves you so. She needs you right now. We both do.

Absolve, Domine, animas omnium fidelium defunctorum ab omno vinculo delictorum…

I miss you. I've missed you for weeks. I expect to turn and see you. I almost, barely, hear your voice before I remember you're not there. I expect a brush of your hand in passing, little details I didn't realize were so important until they were gone. I can't sleep, I'm too used to another heartbeat. But when I do sleep, there are always a few moments when I first wake up that I don't remember you left. The moment when I realize it never seems to get any easier.

_Dies iræ, dies illa_, _solvet sæclum in favilla,_ _teste David cum Sibylla…_

You left. Damn you, Ted, you left me. I hate you, for that. What did you think, that I'd be better off? Do you think I'd just tell them that you'd never mattered. Do you think I'd have betrayed you and hid behind pure blood and an old family name? You love me, Ted, and know me like no one else ever has, how could you think that? I'd have rather been with you, whatever that meant.

Domine, Jesu Christe, Rex gloriæ, libera animas omnium fidelium defunctorum de pœnis inferni et de profundo lacu…

We lived through war the first time. We were so young then, and we were happy, however wrong it seemed to be so happy in the midst of war. It's strange, but I think a lot lately of Lily Potter, of James- young, beautiful, so utterly Gryffindor. I didn't know them well, not beyond a few casual words to friends of Sirius's, but I think often that they were on the front lines while we stayed away from the worst of it. I think of Harry Potter, and I don't regret our choices. I think of the years with you, and I'm glad. Is that cowardice, to be glad we had as long as we did?

Hostias et preces tibi, Domine, laudis offerimus; tu suscipe pro animabus illis, quarum hodie memoriam facimus.

I wandered into your study this morning. I've been afraid to, but there are so many people, meaning well, wanting to help, and I couldn't be near them. It was always more completely you than the rest of the house. It still is, immediately and achingly your place. It smells like you, I remember that from _Amortentia_, and your writing is over everything and muggle pictures everywhere. _"Why muggle pictures when you can take proper ones?…but you're still beautiful in muggle pictures, love_…" Hundreds of frozen moments over a lifetime.

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona eis requiem sempiternam.

It's hot and close in here, but outside it's the best kind of early spring day- clear for once, and sharp and bright. It's the kind of day you'd appreciate. I could close my eyes and we could almost be on the lawns at Hogwarts, sunlight and warm grass and no worries bigger than exams. It doesn't seem so long ago. Where did all those years go?

_Libera me, Domine, de morte aeterna…  
_

Ted, I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. When I was fifteen, I wondered what the world would be with you in it. Now, I don't know what the world will be without you. I'm afraid I won't remember who I am if I'm not with you.

_Lux æterna luceat eis, Domine, cum sanctis tuis in æternum, quia pius es. Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine; et lux perpetua luceat eis._

I can't remember what we said to each other the morning you left. I've tried, and I just can't remember. It was any other day, it was unimportant- "_do you want coffee Darling, and did you see this ridiculous article in the paper and don't forget to stop at the store when you're out…"_ Forgettable because they were the same things we'd talked about on countless mornings for the last twenty-five years.

I had no idea it was the last time I'd see you. I hope I said I loved you.

I did love you, Ted. I loved you so much. I just assumed you knew.

It was never supposed to end this way.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spritius Sancti.


End file.
